The problem with blogs is that everyone can read them. Hehe. Oh well; if you don't want to read my innermost thoughts that may concern you in ways you didn't realize they did, then don't read. Nothing wrong with the truth, right?
Right?
I don't know if these two facts are related, but I have simultaneously figured out how i feel about sara and what my plans are for michelle. When asked if i miss sara, the answer is no, i don't miss sara
as she is now; i miss the way she was. when i think back to the great times, i realize that's not what it's like now. the questions is what changed. As far as i know, i haven't changed, which she confirmed; so clearly something on her part changed, though i still don't know what; one of these days we'll talk about it and try and figure it out. she still seems as rational and great as she did before; the only way i know something changed is that, well, she doesn't like me anymore. but that's an important thing to change, and implicilty reflects important changes somewhere in your value system, OR a value system a bit different than previously surmised, but that can sort of fall into the first category if we just look at observable values (since before they were, apparently, unobservable). so the point is that though i may think back to happy memories of sara, i don't imagine that if we got back together things would be all peachy again, barring some bizarre change of heart on her part (a thought i clinged to immediately after, but which quickly dissipated during the ensuing weeks).
As to michelle, i had to do a bit of thinking on the point of relationships. after discussing with alden and sara, i decided that my previous notion was correct: the point of a romantic relationship is to express the feelings you already have for someone, not to discover the potential for such feelings. once you're comfortable being romantic with someone, it's certainly possibly (and probable) you will learn more about them, and for your level of affection to wax or wan; but the point is that romance isn't needed (and, dare i say, even proper) for that particular goal. knowing this, i can say i don't yet sufficiently have the hots for michelle (internally, where the organs are) to feel like i want to be a couple, so i'll stick with the hanging-out-and-getting-to-know-her-more plan. Now, if
she were to tell me that she really dug me and wanted to date it all up in it there, i think i'd agree; this doesn't contradict my stance, because, just like a lack of affection indicates a value difference, the presence of such affection indicates value affirmation, even if i didn't notice it w/o her saying she liked me. So i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
